Aging well starts with a question
On her drive from Asheville to Charlotte for a recent panel on aging well, licensed therapist Amy Fowler counted at least 10 anti-aging clinics. The billboards promised everything from better skin to workout plans that would help people get their bodies back, pointing to a habit most share. Many people invest a great deal of energy in holding off aging and much less in talking about how they want to live as aging happens.
That discomfort is evident in the home. Adult children hesitate to raise the subject with a parent, parents hesitate to raise it with their children, and the conversation waits until a fall or a diagnosis forces discussion. Our panel, which brought together Amy, Dr. Bob Brownlee of Tryon Medical Partners, and Jennifer Szakaly of Caregiving Corner, made a strong case for starting sooner and offered practical ways to do so.
The cost of waiting
Health changes later in life rarely stay contained. A fall can lead to a hospital stay, the hospital stay can uncover another condition, and each new treatment can bring complications of its own. "It just starts to snowball when things start going wrong," Dr. Brownlee said.
By thinking through options early, families can keep far more doors open. Those who plan ahead maintain meaningful choices, while families who begin during a crisis often find their choices severely narrowed. As Jennifer put it, "The earlier you start with planning, the more options you have."
A better way to begin
Rather than opening a conversation about aging with funeral arrangements or end-of-life wishes—which tends to shut down dialogue quickly—a single question serves as a far better starting point. What does aging well look like to you?
The answers vary widely. One person pictures staying in the family home for as long as possible, while another looks forward to a retirement community with friends close by. Asking first gives the person at the center of the decision a voice in what comes next. "If that's the genesis of the conversation, it goes much better because you're not inserting any judgment," Jennifer said. The same question opens a good conversation between spouses, too.
Staying independent and engaged
Independence starts with the body. Falls are among the biggest threats to living independently, and maintaining core strength and flexibility, along with staying lean, helps lower that risk.
Equal in importance is a sense of purpose. People with a reason to get out the door several times a week, whether a standing golf game or a regular volunteer commitment, tend to fare better as they age. "The people that tend to do better as they age maintain purpose," Dr. Brownlee said. Retirement is a natural time to think about where that purpose will come from. Community plays a similar role, since social isolation is a significant risk for older adults who live alone. Connections built outside of work are the ones that continue once a career ends.
Driving ties much of this together, because so many sources of purpose and community depend on getting around town. When a parent's driving becomes a concern, the most productive conversations start with a plan for how that parent will get to the grocery store and appointments. "You really have to solve the problem first before you pull the rug out from underneath someone," Jennifer said.
Noticing what changes
Certain signs call for a conversation with a physician, including any fall, a minor car accident, a noticeable shift in memory, a trip to the emergency room, or a doctor asking to see a patient more often. None of these automatically means something serious is wrong, and each one is a good reason to pay closer attention.
Having a spouse, adult child, or close friend attend medical appointments provides invaluable support. Visits move quickly, and a second set of ears can capture the details and speak up when the patient hesitates. When memory is the concern, Amy encouraged families to come "from this place of compassion and curiosity and not accusation," since the conversation will continue and evolve over time.
When caregiving becomes part of the story
Caregiving shifts family roles, and it often brings grief with it, even while a loved one is still here. Support groups, care managers, and adult day programs can ease the strain on the person providing care.
Unresolved family dynamics also tend to resurface during this season, especially when siblings live in different cities. "You've got four people in your family, you've got four sets of opinions," Jennifer said. An objective professional can help a family work through disagreements, and clear roles help as well, with one sibling managing medications while another handles finances. Dr. Brownlee summed up the thought simply: "The best ability is availability."
Steps to take before year-end
A few steps before the end of 2026 can put a family in a much stronger position.
● Holding an open conversation about everyone's health keeps important changes from going unshared
● Updating HIPAA forms at the doctor's office gives the right people access to health information, while a durable power of attorney and a healthcare power of attorney allow trusted people to act on someone's behalf when needed.
● Using the holidays offers a natural opening to ask family members which traditions matter most to them, making those traditions easier to adapt as needs change.
Where your financial plan fits
Because nearly every answer to the question of what aging well looks like has a financial side—from living arrangements to trusted decision-makers—money quickly becomes part of the discussion. Families often jump to questions about moves and finances before asking a parent what they want. We follow the opposite order with our clients, beginning with the life someone hopes to live and building the plan around that vision.
If this conversation raised questions for you or your family, talk with your Carnegie advisor about how your financial plan connects to your goals for aging well.
Disclosures:
Dr. Robert Brownlee, Tryon Medical Partners, Amy Fowler, Guidance Through Grief Counseling Center PLLC, Jennifer Szakaly, and Caregiving Corner, are not affiliated with or endorsed by LPL Financial or Carnegie Private Wealth.
Securities and advisory services offered through LPL Financial, a registered investment advisor, member FINRA/SIPC.